So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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