____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
