ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This house was built for laser tag.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
