Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
