i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
