Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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