I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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