I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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