If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
