nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
