i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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