Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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