I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
