I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
