Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
