pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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