Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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