She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
