i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
