You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
