I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
