Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
