My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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