Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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