I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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