just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
