yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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