There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
