This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
