Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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