everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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