Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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