yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
