So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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