Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
