Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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