I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
