nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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