my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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