Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
