Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
