I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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