if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
