he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
