I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
