This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
