Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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