She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
