you traded sex for a burrito?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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