The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
