Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk is not a location!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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