this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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