you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
