i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
