I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You pole danced in your parka.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize