I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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