the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
