he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
