Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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