Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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