i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
