Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize