Dual....:-)
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
