If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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