I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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